rainy dayz

Today was a constant cover of rain and clouds. Woke up on the earlier side to sloosh through the mud to the main building just in time for coffee and chatting with friends. Spent the day cleaning the Ganesh shrine. Saying a blessing before like the closet hippie I am then removed all the offerings, set them aside and continued to give Ganesh a bath. It was fun working in the rain and just doing someting with my hands. The treat was when we were all done to come inside and warm up bu a fire with some tea. It's the simple things sometimes that are you amazing.

Coming in for a Landing

I've landed just outside of Laytonville among redwoods and streams. A beautiful little oasis called Area 101. A good friend from dpw lives here and maybe if the fates align I might be able to live here as well. I am praying for a place to land for a while, where I can work and live life, be happy and joyful. Maybe this is the place . . .

I do Nothing

Last night I was at Benny's in Sacramento with Vaughn Solo, which is always amusing to me since I used to go to Benny's when I was 23 with Vaughn as well. It's amazing how time flies and how rooted in tradition we are. Every time I'm in Sacramento I end up at Benny's with Vaughn, it's kind of comforting that some things don't change.
Anyway
At the bar this somewhat intoxicated woman was asking me about my tattoos. I told her about them, showed her my new one. She settled herself down on the stool and proceeded to tell me about her life. Divorced, 4 kids, 9-5 job. Pretty typical for this day and age. She mentioned about how she shouldn't be out getting drunk because she has to work in the morning and how she wishes that she could get tattoos like mine but doesn't want her kids to see them. She asked me if I had to work in the morning and I replied no, she then asked me what I did . . .
I actually didn't know how to answer her
I work in the desert 2 months out of the year with the best damn people on the planet, I travel around California picking up work where it comes, I'm a damn good barista but I haven't done that in years, I get to see the people I love on a constant basis all over, I'm far from rich but I make it, I'm a writer and an artist,I get to call Lake Tahoe home for now and then somewhere else soon, I weld and make shit, I hug, I laugh, I live life to the fullest that I possibly can. That through all the ups and downs (there have been many) I have realized I live a blessed life.
I didn't know how that would come off to her, my life was so different from her reality. I dont have children and have no idea what it's like. I'm sure it's wonderful and an adventure all to it's own. But she was looking at me in a way that I can only imagine what she was thinking about someone like me who does what she wants with no ties, nothing to bind me to anything or anyone. No matter how much you love your children I'm told that freedom can be intoxicating.
So I look at her, shrug and say I do nothing . . .

HAHAHAHA

an excerpt from the definition of Burning Man from Wikipedia

The whole thing is really just put on to offer a viable excuse for the Black Rock City Department of Public Works to go out to the frontier of North-Western Nevada for two months a year and act like raving lunatics in one of the harshest environments in the world. The vast tabula rasa of the Black Rock Desert alkali Lake bed is basically trying to wick all of the moisture out of your body and kill you every second you're out on it. Just like the American public education infrastructure! And perhaps just as the majority of the youth of AmeriKKKa rebel against that educational farce, so does the DPW rage, rage against the dying of the light by out jackassing each other with great fervor and Mad Maxiness, blowing shit up, crashing cars, dressing in drag on occasion, getting sharpied for passing out with Boots on, being naked drunk, really, really drunk butt naked, and making art along the way.


I LOVE being DPW, greatest people on earth

I am still amazed a life, amazed, confounded, humbled. The only constant in life is change and lately mine keeps doing that over and over. As the days move on I find myself more and more hoping that my move will take place. I love Tahoe, the mountains and the huge expanse of blue water makes me feel at peace in my heart but this move provides an opportunity that would change my life and open doors that I had not previously thought possible. It's a lesson to not remain fixed on an outcome. Everyday I receive another reminder to be fluid like water running down an ancient hill. I've always wanted to live on a farm, grow food, live a simple life with bouts of adventure here and there. This year is one of growth and I want to embrace it and come out on top at the end. Work, head to the desert I call another home, work the fall and then be able to go somewhere tropical for the cold of winter and see another way of life, one that I have never experienced. We shall see how it all unfolds, I have to admit that I am excited.
picture by Niko who is a dream warrior

Warrior of Light

Choices

Life never ceases to amaze me. You ask the universe for what you want and sometimes it gives you exactly what you need even though it's not in the form that you thought it would be in. I thought my path was clear for this year. Tahoe feels right for me, well being out of the city feels right for me. Things have happened here that I didn't foresee (of course how can you foresee anything really), car breaking down, spending more of my savings than I thought I would which has left me with not enough money in my pocket to make happen here that I intended to. I have been needing to rework my plan and come up with a new one, so many variables to consider and running out of time to make decisions. Maybe just renting a room and settling down, getting a normal job. Or would that be putting my dreams on hold but then again what exactly are my dreams? I don't want to live a conventional life, I never have so would settling down and getting a job turn my life into something that I'm not wanting?
A friend made a proposition yesterday, one that I cannot ignore. The chance to come live and work on a farm for Spring/Summer/Fall with time off for my desert home. A cabin of my own, amazing vibes, all in the redwoods. So tempting, but I just got to Tahoe should I try and move, work, save some money then come back here and try again? Also wanting travel, spend time in Costa Rica. Hmmmm I'm not sure which is the right choice, where my fate should lead me . . .

Ching!

Some wonderful friends from the bay were in town tonight. It's such a treat to have people come and visit. Carl and I went out to Thai and had a grand old time talking and working on BRP issues. We then decided to release the rave muppets on the casino's and off we went to Harrah's where we met up with Aaron, Rachel, and Misa. Casino's are fascinating and deeply sad all at the same time. Walking through the bright machines with bells and whistles, people pushing buttons like robots. Smoke in the air, girls in too tight shoes and skirts batting their eyes at learning young boys. Drunk people running into you, security eyeing you. I can see why Hunter S Thompson needed drugs just to survive in their. I feel like casino's are one giant energy suck, when I left I felt more tired that I had in a long while. And the most funny part of it all is there was a game named after my friend Bam.

The Summerland

"The essence of the Summerland is that it is a resting ground where souls can reflect on the life they led, see if they learned the lesson they had intended on learning, and then try again in due course. The Summerland is not seen as a place of judgement, but rather, as a spiritual self-evaluation where a soul is able to review its life and gain an understanding of the total impact its actions had on the world. Some may believe each particular lesson (and hence, life) is chosen and planned out by the soul itself while in Summerland, whereas others may believe that lessons are planned by an external party (deities, spirit guide, etc)."

Beauty

love this piece

Friends are Rad

especially friends like Niko!

Ten Thousand Visions

Michael Divine, one of my favorite artists in this lifetime

Resolutions

Every year people make new years resolutions: lose weight, exercise, be a better person etc. Most of the time these new life choices only last a month and then we are right back to where we started. The Buddhists call this Samsara which can be translated into "wheel of suffering". We churn through societies idea of what we should be, what we should want instead of who we really are. So many of my community are pirate,outlaw,ninja,cowboys, ecclectic folk that live outside the lines. When I pull myself out of this life and head home for Christmas with my International Business brother and his lawyer girlfriend I am transported into a world that I know little of and fit into even less.
Everyone wants to be happy and have the American Dream but what is that really? White picket fences and 2.5 kids, 401k, suv's? The reolutions that people make aren't really designed to make them happier or better people, it fuels their desire to fit in and be what others want them to be.
So in this new year I begin to wonder what I want for myself. I want to steer clear of any solid ideas and let life choose to interpret them as it see's fit.
I want to be happy
I want to be healthly
I want to laugh
I want to love
There, that's it
it's your turn universe

Kali

the goddess of time and change

I was with a friend the other day, a true dream warrior if I ever met one. We were driving, talking, listening to the radio when the song that was the soundtrack for my very first kiss came on. I still remember it to this day even though it happened when I was 10. Where I was, what I was wearing, what it was like. One of the memories that you'll never forget, sweet and innocent like daffodils in the summer. We pull up to my house and my friend pulls me close and gives me a kiss of his own to commemorate my first kiss. It was another sweet moment, delicious like the summer's breeze.

learning to fly

working on growing my wings

Car problems have been a constant trouble of mine. Today my car wouldn't start, my friend tried to fix it but still nothing. What am I to learn from all this? why can't the universe give me a car trouble free life for a while. But I'm going to stop bitching and sit back and hope for the best!

2010

2009 slipped quietly into the ether's and I'm glad for it. It was a challenging year in which I felt the deepest corners of my heart exposed and raw, I also had the time of my life in the city, in clear lake, in the desert. It was a year for evolution and change. I brought in 2010 with close friends and laughter. Watching the city from the Oakland hills, remembering the journey that I went through there and grateful for the chance to have the one before me. The first couple of days in the new year were spent with an amazing friend from dpw and now I start school today for the first time in years, beginning my growth. Now is the time to say who we are and what we want to be because this our life, our world and no one can take it away or make us feel like we are not worthy. I learned a great deal about myself and came through many hardships. If I can survive we all can. Soooo what are your dreams for 2010?