Atlas Shrugged

The Titan Atlas was charged with holding the entire heavens on his shoulders. If he shrugged would the heavens come crashing down? What would the Gods do among men?

My lover

The beat moved my sleeping mind. Rhythmic, hypnotising. I awake to the soft light of dawn peaking through whatever folds in the curtains that could be found. The dust motes danced, swirled softly to the music the was moving my soul from within. I stretched my body, muscles taught. There was soreness all over but I welcomed it. The strength that I had almost forgotten was returning to me slowly. I drank it in. He shifts in his sleep next to me. The movement draws my attention away from the dust and down to the smooth back stretched out to my left. he breathes heavy. I reach out, his skin is smooth, warm and cool at the same time. I slide down under the blankets. Wrap myself around him, my left arm buried in pillows, my right curving around his side and settling on the muscles in his stomach. I rest my face in between his shoulder blades. he shifts again. Grabs my right hand, kisses it, then pulls me closer. I take a deep breath, and then sleep takes me again.

I gave up trying months ago. Succumbing to gravity seemed to be the only option. There isn't a lot of sense in what I did, in fact it made none. But I had to or I would've regretted it and always wondered. And now these days are sweet, I have the pleasure of traveling a temporary but gratifying road with a dear friend. Friend turned lover. Easy as breathing. I remember clearly how it started and I don't know how it will end but I know it will. It is enough, more than enough to be able to have this adventure, to travel the road less traveled. There are things that I enjoy about him. Conversation, matched interest, love for music. he makes me laugh, moves me. Then there is the physical, he is beautiful. The times that I wake up a dawn I love watching the light play on the planes of his body. We as humans are beautiful. It's easy to forget that. I'm glad that I have been reminded. Lately I've been reflecting on life. Where I've been, where I am, and where I think I want to be going. it's a long road to look inward, I'm glad that I have friends like him to lean on when I do.

"Accept everything about yourself, I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end, no apologies, no regrets" ~Henry Kissinger

best text I've gotten from a friend in a long time 'if you want me to hold your hand I will'

truth

Photographing Sunsets

Sometimes you have to race to catch a sunset. Speeding up hill to points high enough to witness something so beautiful and so simple. There is so much beauty in life. People speed through so fast not even taking the time to witness the natural cycle of things around them. Everyday the sun rises and sets. During that time people are speeding to work, to school. Money, relationships, children, sex, these are the things that are on their mind. The very least be the beauty of the life that happens everyday. Maybe it's because I haven't had the blessing/curse of a job to occupy my mind the last couple years that makes me aware of such things. Spring flowers, falling leaves, sunsets. I hunger for these simple pleasures. In these moments I love my friends, the chosen few that see life the way that I do. The ones that are never too busy to photograph sunsets.

The heart is conflicted with heaven and earth. I thought I wanted to be centered and grounded for a while, put down roots. But I don't think that's the case. I have begun to let my freedom go slowly but now I grab back onto it. If I want blue skies and white mountains I should go there, if I want tropical jungles and sandy beaches I should go there, if I want castles and centuries old churches whispering in my ears I should go there. I had thing feeling that being 33 meant my life was over but it's not. it's far from it.

What kind of paradise am I looking for?
So many years I've spent learning to swan dive into the shallow end. The challenges I've faced have turned the corners of my heart brittle, dried leaves ready to break in the wind. I've moved through the last week with reckless abandon. Throwing caution to the wind and sailing through fog. It's the first time in a long while that my actions don't make sense. I thought I knew what I wanted but now all I cradle is more questions. In the middle of right and wrong there is a desire that I cannot name that will not last. I've dreamed of distant countries, places where no one knows my name. I would like to take one from the old life with me. One who would always remind me of my name and who will walk beside me in unconditional friendship. Then again I'm just a dreamer and all these are are words. I must close my eyes and hope that I fly because I cannot have a fear of falling any longer.

Thoughts are a brewing. It's been a while. Might be time to come back