blessed

I love my life

love and heaven

Lately I have been wondering about love, being in love, loving one another. My friend Amy and her partner Jay just celebrated 10 years of being together. Their story is inspiring to me since many people do not make it past a year these days. Love is the most important ingredient for a long lasting partnership but they also require work, trust, and about a 100 other things. Lately the real world has slammed down hard on my relationship. School, work, and obligations do not leave us the time to stare into each others eyes like we used to. The shift made me wonder if something was wrong but then I realized that life is a cycle, relationships are cycles. The only constant in life is change. We must learn to be fluid in our lives and keep the faith that our cycles have purpose and meaning. I wake up next to the man I love everyday and that is a gift. The business of our lives will mellow out sometime soon and we can have fun adventures again but of course busy times will be back and gone again. It has been humbling to be in a relationship that I do not want to run from, that I do not place blame on the other person for challenges. I guess I've grown up in a sense and also met the right person to grow with. I've learned that not everything can go as planned and that love is the strongest force of them all.

Good Bye

It's been floating around tribe about the tragedy that has struck our community. Beautiful Heidi, a lovely lady that I've only met in passing in the desert or at a party. A sweet soul that leaves an impression on your with a radiant smile. Someone has brutally taken her life in Bali this past weekend. Someone so young and so talented stripped from this world so horrifically. It hits close to home, I remember having a chat with her at Burning Man one year about clothes in the middle of the night at Nexus. She was a joy to talk with and since then hugs and warm smiles were always present when we went by each other. I didn't know her hardly at all but she remembered me all the time. It is up to no one but the universe to decide life and death. What happened angers me and makes me cry, it seems that no one is safe anymore. It's more important now, more than ever to become stronger as a community and a life force. We cannot let the challenges of our day and age take us down.
Peace to you lovely Heidi, you will be missed by everyone . . . .

Sigh

Everyday I am more and more in love with him . . . .

making peace

The last couple of weeks I've been faced with the reality that I need to make peace in my heart with circumstances that will not resolves themselves anytime soon. There are times when friendship is not what it seems and the world seems to be against you. Connections that I thought were solid that in reality I need to let go of. There are only some many times that something that be broken apart and glues back together again. Some people are just not supposed to travel through life together, or at least travel for a while through life together. There is some of this that is my fault, I wasn't clear on our situation. I believed that it was different that he saw it and that is my fault for not being clear. We could have avoided this hurt and loss of friendship, well maybe we could have. In so many ways though I feel like I was punished for living my life, for falling in love. The way that he handled the situation was childish at best but I was a fool to think that we have evolved enough to be friends. We learn through our experiences and I have learned from this one. It is a challenge to not let anger and bitterness tear threw my heart. I have been trying to cultivate love and compassion for this situation. People come into our lives for a reason, a season ,or a lifetime. Mike had his purpose in my life although I am still figuring out what it all was for. I hope we'll be friends again someday, I don't know if we will but I hope.

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

~The Prophet

sometimes even paradise can have it flaws, little cracks in the glass that at first it makes you angry that they exist then you learn that they have a place too in this world