It is so beautiful in Colorado right now. All the trees are changing color. The gold of the leaves give the sunlight this surreal golden quality about it, like the air has floating gold pieces in it. I leave tomorrow for work in California. It's going to be hard to leave Colorado when it's so lovely here. California is beautiful of course but right now it's really fall here, something I've never experienced. I'm excited for this adventure though, it will be a good experience for me. I need to have the space to figure some things out right now. The energy in Colorado has been a little intense for me lately. I need a little space from it right now.
My bedroom window looks out over the plain in the direction of Denver. Every time I look out the window I think of him. Missing him every time. No word at all, it's like he disappeared. The thing is I know he misses me too, he doesn't have a heart of stone it's just surrounded by a battleground.

art walk

Last night I went to the monthly art walk in Denver with my brother. It was such a fun experience. There were so many people out and about. Some of the art I saw was really impressive. It was just good to be out and about, the fall air was lovely.

the end

p.s. I put in a good word for you to JJ. His response was interesting and sad. He told me that he "has enough trouble connecting with and being nice to his best friends - johnny, me, loui, robert, etc. that he can't imagine being able to let his guard down enough to connect on the level that you want to connect on." I believe this characteristic comes from a life of strife, alcoholism, fighting, playing girls, etc. He simply can't open up to connect to anyone, let alone his own emotions. He may never know love beyond what you were able to show him out in the desert. Please don't cry over him - be greatful that you have the capability to love and connect with other humans.

*Oh my god this breaks my heart*

Yesterday was a GORGEOUS day in Boulder. Crystal clear and not hot but not cold either. I spent the day shopping with Blair and Leah. Then Blair and I went for a walk along Boulder Creek just talking and looking at the changing leaves. it was so nice and beautiful. It made m heart feel good. My friends are amazing, I am so thankful for their presence in my life and how they have been helping through this challenging time. it would have been so much harder without their love. I'm going to miss my Boulder friends while I'm gone. It's a trade off though, California friends for Colorado ones. It's nice to have love everywhere though, a huge community of friends or more accurately family.