Tears

I stood on the roof of my old apartment building in the Haight this evening. It's been over a year since I lived there. You can see downtown, the chapel at USF and the most gorgeous sunsets ever. I had just cut my old roommates hair when we heard the helicopters. Running up to the roof we caught the mid to the end of critical mass. Hundreds of bikers taking back the streets, making it theirs for those minutes that they were riding, pulling sound systems on trailers and blowing horns, laughing. I stood on that roof with the pink of the setting sun behind me watching the streets alive below and felt for the first time the pain of possible loss. Leaving the city is something I didn't imagine happening to me but now it's here, it's very possible. Thinking of all the things that made SF home for me and everything that I am going to miss. I go into the unknown. I don't know if I will return. This will leave me to put my fate into the universe with no idea what the future will bring. I always thought I'd live here and now I won't be. It might not be for long or it might be forever. My friends, my community and everything I have built around me I give to the wind for something better though I do not know what. It seems that events of late are pushing me out of this city, maybe pushing me to find myself in a world that I have barely discovered, pushing me to let go.