I sit listening to sad songs and wondering what happened to my life. I ended up in a unique place with unique opportunities but it was at a cost that was heart breaking and still is in many ways. I think of B and how bad it was. How desperately I wanted out but stayed thinking that it would change because for so long I was oh so in love with him. It kept spiraling downward but I stayed and stayed until there was nothing of me left.
Pain followed me out of it and now I sit back in SF with my life before me and I'm the only passenger on this train now. I feel in my heart that is what needs to be for now but there's pieces that keep wanting to grab onto something to steady myself when I just need to grab onto me to steady myself because I am all I need, or so everyone tells me.
I wish that it felt right, I think it's all right but I'm stumbling in the dark sometimes. My friends are there to guide me but in the end it's the choices that I make that shape my life. I want to be happy in life and that is my goal now. I will probably fall along the way but I will make it, I have faith.