Last night was blistering wind with rain. I awoke this morning to a beautiful, clear, chilly day with snow dusting the tops of the mountains. The seasons changed so fast. It was summer when I left for Burning Man and fall when I returned. It will be getting cold in California by the time I get out there I'm sure. It'll be good to feel the chill in the air, somehow it makes it better this dull ache in my heart.
I went to a party at the planetarium last night, it was not that great of an event, everyone was just sitting around listening, there was hardly any dancing at all. Part of me didn't want to be there, I wanted to be sitting at home cradling my sad heart but part of me knew I needed to be out in the world, secluding myself away wasn't going to accomplish anything at all. I know JJ isn't sitting at home feeling sad. Of course this makes me wonder how much I really meant to him? Was everything he told me at Burning Man lies? I don't know if I'll ever know. It seems like the snow will cover it all in quiet with everything fading away.
My heart rules so much of me, it is a blessing and a curse to love the way I do. I wish it could be different but I don't know any other way.
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