reckless abandon

I saw a movie called Candy a while ago, it was a very depressing film about heroin addiction. Geoffrey Rush has a line in the movie where he is caressing this girls cheek and asks her is she's is ready for a life of reckless abandon.
Those words stuck with me
I realize that I have lived a huge majority of my life within those words. When I was younger it would take me a split second to throw my life away and follow something or someone that I didn't think out before hand.
My marriage was like that, I gave up everything for Jon when I was only 21. I didn't think about it, I just did it. There can be something to said with living by carpe diem but on the other side there is living recklessly without thinking of the future or thinking about how your decisions would affect other people. Moving ahead with life and then when it doesn't work out devastated by the results, when you gave up so much, banked on everything you had only to have it come crashing down around you. I realized that I expected others to think like I did when that generally is not always the case.
The older I got the more I shifted the other direction, living with more caution and the intense need for security. A complete 180 from where I was 5 years ago.
Now I know I am happy with neither, I am at a place where balance is essential to me. The need for freedom with the need to make wise choices for myself.
There will always be a part of me that live with reckless abandon, I cannot imagine myself any other way but now it's a little more grown up, my eyes look toward the future along with the present moment and take others into consideration. Living in harmony inside myself and outside with the external world.
I was at a place last night where I wished people would just throw everything away for that one moment, to create a memory that would last forever. I felt that old feeling in my heart last night, that old longing. It sat with me all through the night until this morning. I needed to ask myself the questions that I have never asked myself before. Would I give up everything for a moment when I had some much at stake in other areas of my life?? I'm not sure that I would. I gave up things that I loved in SF for a better life out here. It was the best decisions I ever made but it was a sacrifice nonetheless. I still hear the sounds of the city sometimes, miss my favorite restaurants, miss the laughter of the friends I left behind. It was a decision made not by reckless abandon but with an intense desire to love myself and have a better life.
I guess reckless abandon is more about fear of loss than actually love of life.