Can't wait

home is calling, it's time to get dusty soon. I've been compiling huge hugs for my desert family :)

I dreamt about that morning, when I awoke with the hangover from another dimension(it was the night after you told me you loved me). you wanted bacon, I put on my boots and purple cotton slip dress to go on the mission with you. You had me pick a tie out that you wore without a shirt and your carharts. The tie matched my dress, it was purple too. You held my hand, wouldn't let go as we went on our morning mission. It was one of those things that moved effortlessly like water. I was yours and you were mine. It shortly shattered after that.I had never seen anything break so quickly and efficiently, a hammer to glass. I pushed you far out of my mind and threw away what was left of my heart. I dream about that morning sometimes only we continued to be happy, I was still smiling, and you weren't a liar and a coward.

Ring of Fire

It was a song that always reminded me of you. A true testament to love, I fell so hard so fast. It was a blur of dreams mixed together as one singular memory. As the time went by the memory faded and I was left with pain and torment. It's hard for me to believe that I ever loved you like I did. I had never felt anything so powerful and after all this time I feel that I might never again. Upon waking you were my last thought and first memory. All I wanted then was to spend forever with you. Johnny Cash's voice fell through the speakers today, singing that song that brings feeling to that empty place that you left in my heart that place that will remain vacant for the years to come. A bitter sweet symphony. You are still living your life in the roses, in our old room, you probably barely remember my existence. In the same way life is beautiful it is also cruel at the same time. You should be out of my mind and heart. Something keeps you there, keeps the space empty. I just continue to move forward.I gave the small piece you left intact to a liar in the desert, the shattering of that dream created more empty space. Ive spent the last many months carefully building the walls around the abyss in my heart so it won't be as vulnerable. My own collapsed ring of fire.

I am trying to remain in grace in this crazy world, life is good and I'm happy

passion dreams

It's been a year it it still tugs at my heart. A dull ache that never seems to heal. I saw him last night. So much time has passed between us and the sight, touch, even smell shouldn't tear me apart but it does. I have begun to come to terms with the fact that I might never work right again. So much pain on both sides. There are times when I think I'm free from it but when I see him it all comes rushing back. The sad thing is is that I'm nothing to him now while the dream of him continues to haunt me always.

MUSE

Burning Man 2010