Holding

I've come to a point where I am at a holding pattern in my life. It's where your lover tells you they wish they had time to iron out the wrinkles in your relationship but they need to work and make money right now, soon though, soon. It's where you lay awake at night and listen to his breathing and wonder when you will leave him or even if you can leave him. Where your job drains you but you cannot leave now, not when you are leaving for Burning Man for a month and need something to come back to. It's that time where you feel like you are so close to it whatever it is but you cannot reach it and instead you eat a cookie and then feel worse. I'm wondering when it will all chance or what I am really meant for if this isn't it.