I awoke this morning to rain pounding the roof of the converted barn that I call home. Blankets pulled up around my chin to ward off the chill in the air. Brandon having left hours before, his space in bed cold to the touch. Most of my mornings at the rose farm have begun like this since I moved here. My love gone at work, our other roommate as well. I'm all alone with too much time on my hands. I've been looking for work slowly, anticipating the start of the school semester. not really sure what I want to spend my time doing for money but knowing that I need to find something soon. Find something to do not just to make money but to settle my restless mind. I love being back in California. I feel at home here. Colorado was amazing and exactly what I needed but here is where my heart is. I don't feel so confused about life anymore, nor do I feel the pain that I've carried around for years. I realize that life is a healing journey. I catch myself sometimes, so ready to accept pain and past experiences as my master. But I gain strength from life now and my last year in saturn return. I've been dreaming about Burning Man lately, dreaming about my feet on the playa, it seems like home is so far away but it will be here before I know it. but for now I guess I'll have to keep dreaming.